This is a blog that I wrote in 2011, it popped up on Facebook today. I am interested to see what I wrote.
Relationships can become out of balance and one-sided if we don’t occasionally check in with each other.
One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally.
Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more.
However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. It happens! And some people are happy to accept this and “bob along” in life.
You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. This is a light bulb moment, you realise finally that this has been like it for years, but now you need them …
A light bulb moment, recognising friendships
are out of balance.
You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return.
Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying.
One option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally.
Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship will become much more sincere.
They may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life.
A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship in which you are learning from someone.
Another example is a relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big picture of your life
My 2015 thoughts on the above.
Well, I would like to say that all of my relationships are balanced, actually the majority of them are as I have over the last nine years gone through a clearing process.
Sounds like a detox! Perhaps it is!
I was unwell at the age of 41 and since then my health has deteriorated, I have found out the hard way who my friends are. I am happy to report that I have a solid support team around me, all friends, all delightful and they help me in so many positive ways.
As you know, I counsel now, in my last year of practice and June 2016 – Bingo – a qualified counsellor.
Some of you that I counsel will be reading the above and hopefully use this as a review to your one sided relationships. Don’t simply look at your nearest and dearest, look at your friends and family, they are often more needy and problematic than your partner.
I believe if you get the relationships in balance, it will improve your state of mental well-being. You will be calm, confident, able to assert yourself without being accused of being aggressive, let’s face it, there are many people who cannot cope with us asserting ourselves, so their defence is “you’re being aggressive”, erm no … you are trying to control me and I am not having it!
Assert your authority to create relationship change.
Try to keep sight of the beautiful things that satisfy you, if things are out of balance, look at the trees, the flowers, the kids; anything to distract your mind from the intended control.
Well I hope the rambling of relationships helps or entertains you, I truly hope that your relationships are in balance and if reading this you think they are not, do something about it!
Love Me x